Funny lines in movies, television or theater…

[Spazdog]

From the Life of Brian…. “No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle.”

[Spazdog]

WKRP…. “As God is my witness, I swear I thought turkeys could fly.”

[Mano]

[Posturedoc]

“Anybody want a peanut?” — Fezzik

[canvas baron]

Eastbound and Down: “I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.”

[Spazdog]

From Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid... "That's one thing I know about clients.  Dead ones don't pay their bills." 

[WYO1016]

Blazing Saddles:

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

[halfmanhalfbronco]

"Why your so drunk your probably seeing trouble"

"I've got two guns, one for each of ya"

Tombstone and Doc

[Spazdog]

Spaceballs…. “Why didn’t anyone tell me my a$$ is so big?”

[I went to san jose state]

Do you know where the weight room is? I’ll check it out.

[Nevada Convert]

For PT&A’s fans, the new 4k blu ray has 75 minutes of deleted scenes. Yes, the original was 93 minutes, and there 75 more  no one has seen until the 4k release. I heard it’s great but haven’t gotten it yet. 

[Spaztecs]

 

[thelawlorfaithful]

[smltwnrckr]

It's not a line. But the hardest I've ever laughed at anything on a screen is the scene in one of the Jackass movies where they do the puppet show with the mouse "puppet" and the snake. 

[Hashbrowns]

From Billy Madison.

[PurpleMountainHuskie]

From the movie "Better Off Dead" 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XCRLDUl6sM

 

[retrofade]

ad-libbed joke by Chris Pratt

 

[retrofade]

From the same Parks and Rec episode as the above Network Connectivity Problems joke, I give you Rob Lowe's character giving himself essential advice. 

 

[SWspartan]